On the 19th November, Abhinav didn’t talk to Agastha and neither did he say anything to her apart from avoiding her completely. She was puzzled and wondered about his behaviour; ‘maybe he is upset with someone or over something’ she thought to herself. The whole went by the same way as it started. She thought of giving him a call as soon as they’d reach home. But the moment she reached home, she received a text message,
“Everything is over. I am breaking up with you. I don’t want to talk to you every again.”
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she kept on reading it over and over again. She didn’t how to react. She expected this to be a joke but sadly it wasn’t. She wanted to know what went wrong between them is. She tried calling him up ample times but he refused to answer any of the calls. The only person she could go to shelter was Shazi but neither was she answering. She kept trying but all in vain.
As she sat beside her window sill trying to figure out everything, she happened to recollect a small incident that happened earlier that afternoon when they left school. Shazi was speaking to Abhinav and not knowing what really was going on, all she could figure out was that some serious discussion was going on. BAMMM…! It hit her then. Agastha had a gut feeling that Shazi may have screwed up. She didn’t know why Shazi would do such a thing. Agastha tried calling her again and again but no answer. Hence she decided to leave a message and all she typed was,
“Abhinav broke up with me. I hope u r happy now with what you did. Thanks for being a best friend!”
There came no response to that as well.
Agastha’s world fell apart. She didn’t know what to do. She barely understood what was going on. She didn’t know why she kept weeping bitterly all the time and didn’t know how to stop. She hated every bit of that day. It haunted her and creeped her out.
She felt like she was that one person who deserved being screwed around with and that also for nothing! Agastha hated her life the every minute. Everyone was being unfair and everything was unfair. GOD was being unfair to her. She wanted to pierce through the sky and ask GOD why he made it all happen, if only he had to screw it up this way.
Nothing came to her mind at all but she felt directed to do one thing – hurt herself more to get rid of the stab a best friend had given and a slash her boyfriend (rather ex-boyfriend) added. Her hands picked up the blade by itself and automatically moved to make cuts over her hands and without realizing the pain. She made 16 on the left hand and 19 on her right hand; and stopped just when she felt blood all over fingers. There was a bursting pain in her head. Yet it didn’t over power the pain Abhinav gave her.
Gazing at herself in the mirror inside her bathroom, she cried and cried bitterly. She just wanted everything to be okay. She loved him endlessly.
“Agas what are you doing in the bathroom for so long? It’s been 45 minutes you’re in there. Hurry up. We have to get dressed and go out”, Agastha’s mom spoke knocking at the door.
“Coming” is all she answered.
After trying hard to stop the bleeding; she cleaned up the bathroom and walked out escaping her mother’s eye. She got dressed and left. Going out with her parents was the only option she had because staying at home could probably kill her. She didn’t want to even show anyone a sign of what she felt.
That day all her family friends were out to see the crackers and the celebrations for the National Day. Agastha pretended to be excited with tears in my eyes. It was hard to stop them from falling. She prayed no one noticed.
That night, there was no text from Abhinav or Shazi at all. The only one who felt her warmth and hurt was her pillow and her silence.
The next day at school, covered in a sweater; Agastha tried to be normal, but she couldn’t stop the tears the very moment she saw him. He laughed at her on her face and walked away with disgust.
As pathetic as she already felt, he made her feel even worse.
The rest of her day went the same way. Everyone around her looked at her with disgust. She was perplexed. She needed to know what went wrong but had no answer at all.
After 2 days, Shazi thought of her and gathered a conversation during the break. Agastha seemed least interested in listening to her because she was too busy thinking about all that happened and suddenly Agastha’s ears caught Shazi’s words,
“I will talk to Abhinav. Don’t worry Agas. I will make him understand.”
Agastha didn’t know whether she should laugh at her words, or slap her right in the face and ask her to shut the fuck up. She was the one who fucking screwed it. And now she wanted to be this goddess to fix it. What a bitch?!
Shazi didn’t know about Agastha’s bleeding hands; no one knew until one recess, where Shazi forcefully pulled Agastha’s hand and she shouted in pain. Shazi sat her down rolling up the sweater and all she saw was cut hands and little bleeding because she had just pulled it. She was shocked maybe because she felt guilty. She deserved to feel guilty.
The next minute Agastha looked up; she saw Abhinav standing at the door of the classroom. Shazi had told him about the hands. ‘Such a fucking all-time radio’ Agastha thought to herself. What did Abhinav even care for? He probably came in to laugh his ass off at her once again. After all, making a fool out of her was his next favourite pastime.
Every time he came in front of her, Agastha cried. She saw him mock her from a distance and walk away and all she wished was,
“I should have just been dead.”
She hated to see him so carefree about everything that happened and it was more like nothing mattered to him. Not the 6 months and not even the break up. It looked like as if it was just another fling and he was already over it. ‘But what about me dammit; what about me?!’ she scream out loud in her head.
‘How would I get over all that happened? How would I deal with everything? How would I face him every day and worse of all, WHY ON EARTH DID HE BREAK UP?’ she kept asking these questions to herself.
She needed answers to all but most of all; she needed an answer to the last question.
Two weeks later, one of the classmates walked up to Agastha and asked
“Did u sleep with your uncle?”
Agastha was furious! What the hell was she talking about and how dare she make such a statement?!
Agastha rolled her eyes all over the classroom and everyone looked at her furiously.
Agastha questioned her on her question. The answer was stupid,
“Nothing really. Just asked because someone from the science section said you did.”
‘What.The.Fuck? I don’t even talk to anyone in the science section and they suddenly wake up with this story!’ Agastha murmured angrily. Agastha didn’t get any details from her classmate but decided to find a way to know what was going on. Lost in thoughts, she realized who said what to whom and in what manner!
She caught a hold of Shazi and asked why she had to cook up a story so horrible and publish it all over the school. Shazi denied every accusation. Agastha sternly asked her not to act funny and innocent and to seriously answer what was asked. That’s when Shazi knew that Agastha meant business and she’d better be honest about everything.
“Because I was mad at you, I did it” Shazi spelled out. Agastha was struck with a big meteor right through her head. She was blown out.
Tears rolled down her cheeks helplessly because she didn’t expect her “Best Friend” to do such a thing. It was simply unbelievable!
Agastha dropped on her knees with a heavy hear and only asked Shazi why she did such a thing.
She gave an explanation Agastha would never accept…
“I was very upset with you Agas. When it was ramzan and I had fainted and that day, all I needed was my best friend besides me, and you were not there. You were too busy spending time with Abhinav and in that you forgot you had a best friend. When Arfa, was beside me at the nurse room, I asked her about you and she said you told her that you are busy with Abhinav and will come later. You know how bad I felt? I didn’t expect this from you. And when you come to meet me, all you do is shout at me and behave all weird and I feel it’s like an obligation that you were there. And that’s why I told Abhinav and everyone about the uncle thing in a misinterpreted way!”
Agastha wanted to slap Shazi so hard that her jaw could fall out.
Agastha only cried while Shazi tried to console her saying,
“I will talk to him Agas. I will get him back to you.”
‘I wonder in what possible way would she make anything alright?! It had been 2 weeks and now is when I come to know what actually went wrong’ Agastha murmured in her breath. ‘What a stupid thing to do’ she sighed.
Agastha gathered herself, stood up and said,
“I didn’t expect this from you.”
Yet Shazi had the audacity to say,
“But you also did all that to me.”
As angry and agitated Agastha was, she looked Shazi in the eye and said,
“NO Shazi! You are so wrong. I didn’t do anything. I never told Arfa that I will not come. I only said I will be there in 1 minute and I was there! I shouted at you because you were weak and you are not supposed to fast because you fall sick and lastly, I didn’t even know that you fainted unless Arfa came up to me and said it. And talking about not wanting to be there, I juggled between the teachers and till the end of the day, stayed with you in the nurse room not caring about the fact that if I get caught lying, I might get screwed, and all you say in the end was ‘you were not there when I needed you’?! Really? Where was Arfa then? She claimed to be there right? Where the hell was she? She ran to class the minute the bell rang. And I was sitting there with you, but no! ‘Agastha was not there, and the entire world was!’ Did you care to cross check with me about whatever Arfa told you? No. All you did was making up the conclusion in your head based on everyone else’s story and then took away the one thing that meant the world to me!
Shazi why did you do this? You call yourself a best friend and all you did was messed everything for me. Why Shazi?! All you could have done was come up to me and talk to me, question me, shout, yell anything but not this. You didn’t even want to talk to me about it. You refused to make a conversation ever since Abhinav and I broke up. All you had to do was talk to me Shazi, TALK TO ME. And this uncle thing that you told everyone; what were you thinking?
‘I slept with my uncle’ seriously?!
I have no bloody uncle here Shazi and you know it. You know for a fact that the incident that happened with me was a year back and it had nothing to involve me in the manner you interpreted. I confided in you about something only because you were my best friend and you boasted it out to people in such a shameful manner! I wanted to tell Abhinav all that happened by myself but you made it worse! You screwed up everything”.
Well, the uncle thing mentioned was, last year when Agastha was in Grade 10, there was a family friend who apparently tried getting cosy with her and would make excuses to go to her house either deliver something saying her father or mother had sent stuff and in the bargain he tried getting physical with her. She pushed him off and informed my folks about it, feeling scared and nervous because this was unexpected. Agastha had a rough patch in her life but decided to put it behind her because it would only weigh her down. All this happened before Abhinav even came into picture. Agastha confided this to Shazi because she was her best friend. Little did she know that Shazi would turn it against her?
Shazi had tears in her eyes but at that moment Agastha was so angry that nothing made any difference to her. All that ran through my head was to know what would happen next.
She never expected such a disaster. It was worse than tsunami in her life!
The whole school addressed her as a ‘slut’, ‘bitch’, ‘prostitute’ and above all- the best nickname Abhinav himself addressed her with, ‘uncle fucker’.
It may sound hilarious to some but Agastha actually heard all this every day and yet went to school with a smile. She plainly had no choice. Because if she tried to explain, people would either say she was justifying for her deeds or would not stand to even listen.
Hell had just broken loose. And it would stay this way for a long long time. Agastha had to stay strong for her own self because no one would even flinch a step for her.